


Living in Colour

by artem_ace



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:59:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3642696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artem_ace/pseuds/artem_ace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan sees people in colours and how Phil is every colour that he is not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Living in Colour

Black. Everything was black. **  
**

The parts of the walls not covered in posters. The duvet. His clothes. His curtains. The old guitar he had gotten for his 13th birthday, but never learned to play.

All black. Different shades of black, all melding together to create this dark, depressing room. It scared him a bit. Maybe black was a bad choice of decor.

The black paint Dan had on his walls had recently begun to emit negative feelings.

Dan supposed that was the reason everything was black in the first place. Because Dan felt black. He had this theory, that if people could be opened, like a clock being observed by a mechanic, then they would be filled with colours.

Yellow with happiness. Red with passion. Blue with tranquillity. Green with excitement. Pink with love. Black with sadness. All these colours and more, wisps of them, residing in the body, curling and swirling. Some are more prominent than others, depending on the person and how strongly they feel their emotion.

Dan was black. The only colour living in him, draining all the other colours of their hues. The black filled him, like smoke in a glass jar, leaving no corner untouched. But it wasn’t enough for the black to fill him, it demanded to travel outwards as well. The black takes control of his life. It covers everything in its path into an inky sea of darkness, spreading out from Dan himself.

And that’s what it was doing now, taking over him. In the middle of his black bedroom, Dan stood, lights off, because if he wasn’t doing anything but standing what was the need of light? Dan pretended he liked this darkness, enjoyed this all consuming sadness turning his life into an ocean of black. And maybe he did.

(He didn’t.)

It wasn’t that Dan was never happy, or never excited, or never any other emotion than sad. It was just that the blackness inside of him hated the other colours and fought against those who dared to try to take its place. So the darkness stayed. And Dan was black.

—-

It wasn’t long until Dan met him. The boy whose hair was black. The darkest black Dan had ever laid eyes on. It was a black that couldn’t be natural. A black existing as a physical model of the blackness rooting in Dan. At the time, Dan suspected this boy had to be some sort of wizard or practitioner of black magic to achieve the colour that graced his scalp. (He finds out later that £5.89 hair dye is an easier way to get that colour without selling your soul.)

The thing is, the only thing black about this boy was his hair. Dan was certain that he could see through him, into the imaginary machine of the dark haired boy’s body, and see colours. Mixtures of blues, yellows and bright greens tangled together throughout the boy’s body, accompanied by lovely hues of pinks and reds. There were other colours too, various shades of purples and oranges and colours Dan is positive that they don’t exist in this world.

When the boy first smiled at him, Dan felt the hold of the black smoke inside of him slipping the slightest bit. He can’t see inside of himself, but he’s sure that, if he could, there would’ve been another colour inside of him. He wasn’t sure what colour it would’ve been, it had been a long time since he had felt other colours, but he knew one thing:

It was beautiful.

——

The boy’s name was Phil, and he had the bluest eyes Dan had ever seen. But, Dan noticed, when he looked close enough, splashes of green and hints of gold flickered in Phil’s eyes when he laughed. Dan started to imagine that maybe Phil’s eyes were completely transparent, showing the colours that lie beneath them.

Dan was still black, but the more time he spent with Phil, the weaker the black became. The other colours, the yellows and the greens and the blues that match Phil’s eyes came more often, and stayed longer, lingering for as long as Phil did. Dan liked these colours, the ones that weren’t black. Occasionally, colours like pink and red would appear briefly, only to disappear as quickly as they came. Dan ignored those colours.

The black still overwhelmed him, stubborn, refusing to leave.

Phil was there, sitting atop Dan’s dark duvet, looking quite out of place in the black room. His colours shone through, breaking through dark and brightening it with nothing but himself. A bit of Phil’s yellow somehow made its way into Dan, lasting a bit longer this time, before being devoured by the black void inside of him.

"Dan?" Phil asked. He had a small plushie in his hands. Something he had gotten for Dan a few weeks previous. "Why are you always wearing black?"

Phil didn’t say anything about the bed, or the walls, or the curtains, but Dan knew what he was thinking.

Dan shrugged.”It’s how I feel.”

Phil just gave a quiet ‘oh’ and pressed no further, for which Dan was glad. He didn’t talk about them, the colours. Dan never told anyone about the colours because he didn’t want to be laughed at.

Phil wouldn’t laugh, though, Dan was sure of it.

But Phil didn’t ask, so Dan didn’t tell, and Dan was still black.

——

Phil had lent him a shirt. A pale blue one, with white clouds on it. Dan got strange looks all day; still, he didn’t understand them until he looked in the mirror after school.

He almost didn’t recognise himself. Something was off and Dan took almost a full minute to put his finger on it. He wasn’t wearing black. He was wearing blue, Phil’s blue. And he liked Phil’s blue, a lot better than the black that had before occupied its place.

Dan borrowed more of Phil’s shirts. He became less black. He got new curtains. Blue ones. He painted the walls light grey.

He turned on the light.

——

Dan isn’t black. At least, not completely black, all the time. The black comes and goes, but it doesn’t stay long. The other colours keep it out.

Dan is yellow. He laughs at Phil’s weird animal facts and smiles at the children who ask him to play.

Dan is green. He wants to do things, he wants to go places. He has goals, and ambitions, and he can be, he _will be_ successful.

Dan is blue. He’s safe, and he’s content, burying himself between the sheets and Phil’s body when it’s cold outside because Phil is warm. Also because he sleeps better when he’s in Phil’s arms.

Dan is red. He has desire and wants to try new things. To do old things he loves, and to pursue dreams he knows he can achieve. Phil encourages him, keeps the fire in Dan’s heart going and Dan can’t thank him enough.

Dan is pink. He loves, and he is loved, and Dan is certain that unconditional, requited love is the best feeling in the world.

Pink is his favourite colour to be.

Sometimes, Dan is black. And that’s okay. He keeps the black duvet. It’s a reminder of who he once was, and of who he is now. The dark isn’t something that needs to be feared as long as it isn’t allowed to take over.

But mostly, Dan is all these colours at once. He’s happy, and excited, and calm, and passionate, and loving, and yes, he’s even a little sad. But Dan takes the sad, because it goes along with all the other colours. He likes experiencing the colours and knowing that if he could see them inside himself, he’d see them all.

Dan isn’t black anymore. Dan is every colour he needs to be.

And he doesn’t plan on changing anytime soon.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not gonna lie, I wrote this a few months ago at 1:56 am bc I couldn’t sleep, so it’s a bit strange. First phanfic^.^
> 
> disclaimer: I am neither Dan nor Phil, nor do I claim to know either man. This is a work of fiction, made for enjoyment please do not take anything here as fact. (it’s an au anyway like-)
> 
> You can follow me on tumblr (artem-ace.tumblr.com) or check out my phan/phandom blog (dan-also-phil.tumblr.com)
> 
> reviews appreciated!


End file.
